Friday, July 31, 2009

Hello World, Meet The New Hannah.

Today has been rough. I have
and Thought.
It would be a good day to curl up with a good book. 
Today has felt very long, and it is going  by very slow. 
But i will make it through today. 
Life throws curves at you, sometimes God shakes up your life to try to get your attention and i think that is what's happening right now. 
And I'm not going to lie. IT SCARES ME. 
My life has been so out of place lately. 
My priorities have been all wrong, putting other things before God. But today is the day. 
Today I will change. I will not let satan get the best of me! He has no power over me. 
I will not dwell on all of the bad, because I will not look past all of the good in my life. 
I will not let the enemy win. 
I need prayer more than anything right now. 
But i know that I will make it through this, because God has everything in control and as hard as it is for me, i have to sit back and wait. 
But i want to say sorry, sorry to my family who i have pushed aside lately. I really am sorry. 
Sorry i have been so self-centered. it was not right of me. 
But you still love me anyways. 
Sorry for my attitude, and I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through. 
So world, Meet the "New Hannah".
She's here to stay. She's here to change. 
She is here to accept the fact that God is in control of her life. 
She is here to know that she has been irrational, and insensitive. 
But she wants to change, and mark my word, she will. 
Change takes time, but it comes from within. 
and i CAN change, and I will, this is my first step. 
So, that's been my day, it's raining and I want to go back to bed. 
The rain makes me sleepy. 
I'm off the work in a bit, and i cannot wait. 
Seeing little kids just lifts my spirits. (: that is the one thing that i will never get tired of. 
But i'm off to try to get a nap in before work. 
had a  late night last night, casey's car broke down. 
But it was all great fun, and night with great friends. (: 
I've learned that sometimes you have to step back, to see how great your life really is. 

Thursday, July 30, 2009


This morning i had to get an early start.
Off to work at 10, and while this would anger many people having to be up early and all,it merely excites me that in such a short time i will get to spend my morning with little kids! They Really do excite me!
The Joy in their faces, how they don't have a care in the world.
While i sit there each day and watch the joy in their eyes as i pop a wristband on their wrist and say "okay, you can go now" it makes me wish i was little again. I wish that i could still get away with anything, but more importantly i wish that i didn't have a care in the world. I wish that my mommy still told me what was acceptable, i wish that the only pain i felt was when i scraped my knee or when i fell on the play ground. But in this world today, you would get eaten alive if you lived that innocent.
Life today is hectic. it's crazy, just turning on the news is almost painful some nights.
Money is what people rely on. People get caught up in it. the world is so focused on it.
It makes me want to scream! STOP IT YOU FILTHY ANIMALS.
but then i realize that i am the same way, that would be so hypocritical of me. realizing this thought i wonder how God deals with that.
I Wonder how God deals with his best creations not giving thanks to him, and constantly wanting more.
I am this way.
I starve for money, whether i want to or not.
I work for it.
I spend it, and run out of it, then wanting more i start the process again. Why has life come to this.
Money is something i feel like i cannot live without! and i hate it.
Eathan brought to my attention the other day the question of "if money was not needed to do things, what would i do in life?"
Honestly, i'm not too sure what i would do. it's a tough question. So now that you have that to think about, tell me what you would do.
This morning in my quiet time, i read Psalm 121. my favorite part of it was the beginning.
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, 
the Maker of heaven and earth.
this made me really happy for some unknown reason. it was reassuring i guess.
(: so that's been my morning, off to work in a bit.
Work really does seem to bring out the best in me. it makes me feel.
happy, excited, loved, special, unique and thankful. Who knew little kids could do all of that!
Life is moving fast, and i have so much to do with so little time! (:
That;s all for now, we'll see later if anything eventful happens.
Little Kids make me happy (:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Life These Days.

Hello World!
Oh so much is going on right now. honestly i don't know how to handle it all. 
This has been the BEST summer of my life. Honestly it has, i have learned so much. My friends truly are amazing and i have no clue where i would be without them. My family means the world to me. And i have learned, the hard way, that when the rest of the world runs away, your family will ALWAYS be there for you. My boyfriend has helped me quite a bit too. I've learned that you don't always get what you want. but you can't let that stop you. 
This summer i was able to go to Frontier Ranch with Young Life. It was LIFE CHANGING. 
Honestly, it amazes me to see what all God has created for me, and to think that i do not even come close to thanking him nearly as much as i need to. This pains me. IT Breaks my heart. To think that the things in life are all gifts for me, and i take each one of them for granted. What a Shame! 
School starting back soon is difficult, and i know that i need to work harder than ever this year. You always hear Junior Year is the year that matters. Well I'm here. And i am Scared!
 Junior Year means: SAT's, ACT's, Prom, College Searching and Driving
All so much to work on! 
These things scare me. to death. The Future scares me. really it does. I am constantly worrying about every little thing i am doing. wondering how it will effect my future. But as I sit here and contemplate all that lies ahead of me, I start to wonder, which leads to thinking. I realize that as much as i would love to make a perfect score on my SAT and ACT; and as much as i want the "perfect" prom date, and to never miss a curfew with driving. i have NO control over this at all. This is very tough to grasp. 
now yes, i can study very hard, search each and every guy in the school, and leave early from every place i am coming from. But ultimately that is trying to determine my future. And it is all in God's hands. A phrase my dad taught me was "it is what it is". I need to let my future go, accept that God knows what it is, and it WILL be wonderful! I need to work on living in the moment and not wishing my life away. and i need prayer, and accountability. I cannot do this alone. 
I have some decisions to make coming up in the next few years, but i cannot make them selfishly. Which, i will not lie, is tough. I am considering YWAM. Which would be a very big deal. I am asking for prayer and advice! 
This is my new blog, and i hope to use it daily to update you (:
Leave me feedback, comments or just to say "Hi".
I love you all, 
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11